They're Doing What!
by mmouse15
Summary: Sam finds out from Bumblebee some of the ways Cybertronians connect to each other - a challenge response.


A/N: This is in response to the lj comm flesh_and_steel challenge, **_Strange Cybertronian Mating Rituals_**.

* * *

The cargo plane finally landed. Sam, numb from hours of noise, struggled with the straps keeping him in the uncomfortable seat. Major Lennox came over and helped him, catching him as he stumbled to his feet. He staggered out into the warm tropical air, blinking at the intensity of the sunlight flooding his senses.

Once inside the main hanger, he made for Bumblebee, leaning against his friend's car form as he fought to get his equilibrium back. All around him, men were unloading equipment, Autobots were revving their engines, and greetings were being exchanged. Ironhide roared into the hanger, making his way over to Ratchet. They both transformed into their robotic modes and clasped hands. Sam watched them curiously. Cables snaked out and attached to the other, Ratchet's colored a light grey, while Ironhide's were as black as his armour. They didn't seem to need to actually touch the cables; they moved of their own accord and found sockets to plug into. They leaned toward each other, touching their foreheads to the other and waiting. Blue sparks danced over the cables.

The whole exchange lasted a minute, perhaps slightly longer, before the two broke apart and went back to their duties, Ironhide striding over to Mudflap to work on fixing the nozzles for his gas weapon, which had been crushed in this latest skirmish, while Ratchet went over to Sideswipe, who'd had his secondary blade torn away and was still sluggishly leaking energon, though not in any immediate danger. Sideswipe tried to wave him off, but Ratchet put his hands on his hips and emlooked/em at Sideswipe, who nodded and held out the blade.

"What was that, Bee?" Sam asked quietly.

"What's going on?" Bumblebee's radio sang to him.

"Oh, c'mon. I know better. What were Ironhide and Ratchet doing there?"

Bumblebee shifted on his tires. "Wait for it."

"OK, sure, but you better believe I'm going to be asking." Sam turned to greet Epps and left Bumblebee to move out of the way.

Later, Sam walked into the area reserved for the Autobots and climbed into Bumblebee's seat. They drove out of the hanger, the sun low on the horizon, and headed away from the cluster of buildings, heading south. They drove along the road until they were in the palm trees. Bumblebee stopped and Sam got out, then Bee transformed. They walked through the trees toward the beach, finally stopping just at the edge of the trees, where the satellites couldn't pick up Bumblebee's form.

Bee made himself comfortable sitting down and leaning against a palm tree. Sam crawled up on his leg and settled with his back against Bee's chest. They stared out at the ocean, watching the sun get lower and lower on the horizon.

"So. What was that between Ironhide and Ratchet? I've never seen them do that before." Sam opened the conversation.

Bumblebee was quiet.

"Bee."

"They were…mating." Bumblebee said, haltingly.

"They were what!?" Sam yelped.

"Mating. They're bonded, and they missed each other." Bee explained.

"So, that's like, what, the equivalent of a quickie?" Sam's brain was skittering around, trying to grapple with this concept of having sex in front of everyone.

"No." Bee said.

Sam's mouth was open. It was even closing, but nothing was coming out. He gulped in a breath and tried again.

"No? No, what? No, it wasn't sex? No, it wasn't a quickie? No, bonded isn't…what is bonded?"

Bumblebee shifted slightly, which Sam took as a sign that this was not a topic of conversation Bumblebee was comfortable with.

"It wasn't a quickie because it was a full exchange. Yes, it is our equivalent of sex." Bumblebee's vocalizer squeaked on the last word, and Sam stifled the grin at the vagaries of Bee's still-glitchy vocalizer.

"OK, so what's bonded?" Sam snuggled closer as the sun set. From experience, he knew the day would cool off rapidly on the atoll.

"Bonded is…the closest concept you have is married, but it is more than that. Ironhide and Ratchet have shared their sparks on such a deep level that Ironhide always carries part of Ratchet within his spark, and Ratchet carries part of Ironhide within his spark. If one of them were to die, the trauma of losing that little piece of the other can be enough to kill them, so it's more permanent that your marriage."

"Whoa. That's heavy, Bee. Why would they do that if you're in a war?"

Bumblebee thought for a while before answering. "Because it matters. Because it gives them hope, and it gives us hope. Because doing something like that means that they believe Optimus is right and shows a faith in him that would be…"

"Hard to beat?" Sam suggested.

"Yes."

They sat quietly, watching the stars begin to glimmer and twinkle as the night got darker and deeper. On the ocean, once the sun set, the night seemed to come on much quicker than on land and Sam enjoyed the peacefulness. He could hear the crabs scurrying around on the ground and other noises from the birds and animals that made their homes on the atoll.

Finally rousing a bit, Sam asked, "Why did they use cables instead of, I dunno, sparks or some other kind of connection?"

Bumblebee let loose with a chuckle from his radio, then answered. "We don't mate like you do, Sam. We don't reproduce that way, so there's no reason for us to put body parts inside other mechs. Sparks are deeply intimate, and no mech I know would do that in front of anybody else. I don't believe Ratchet and Ironhide have shared sparks since before the Allspark was sent into space. We share ourselves with cables."

"Sparks isn't possible?" Sam didn't understand.

"Of course they're possible, but you want privacy and a lot of time. Sharing sparks – the last time I knew about sharing sparks, the two mechs took…160 of your Earth hours." Bumblebee told him.

Sam did some rapid calculations. "They were sharing for over six days? Almost a week?"

"Yes." Bee told him. "It is, I'm told, a deeply moving and highly personal experience, but it takes a long time. We don't have that kind of time while we're fighting a war and so we don't do it."

Sam's brain was still reeling from the idea of having sex for a solid week. "Yeah, I guess I could see that."

Bumblebee was laughing at him. Sam thumped him on the yellow plating of his leg.

"Quit laughing at me. We don't have anything like that on this world, how am I supposed to know these things?"

"You're not."

"Yeah. So cables, huh?" Sam tried to get the conversation back on-topic.

"Yes, cables. They're used for rapid data exchange. I'm fairly sure that both Ironhide and Ratchet were ready to go, so their interfacing didn't take very long."

Sam almost dreaded asking the next question, but curiosity won out. "So, how long could cables take?"

"Oh, an hour or so. Unlike the spark sharing, it's a straight forward exchange of data packets. Ratchet is extremely good at sending packets that are designed to stimulate certain sensor nodes, so he can make you overload very quickly. Ironhide's is more brute force, he just sends packets that contain his arousal and they overheat you very quickly, which causes you to overload. Optimus, now, he starts out gentle and builds. He sends both specific ones, like Ratchet, and more general ones and mixes the up."

Sam was rigid. "And you would know this…how?"

Bumblebee seemed surprised by Sam's stiffness. "Because we've all interfaced together."

"Ugh! TMI, Bee, I did not need to know that!" Sam curled up, rocking slightly on Bee's leg.

Bumblebee was mystified. "Sam, you will hurt yourself."

"La, la, la, I can't hear you!" Sam had his fingers stuffed in his ears.

Bumblebee lost patience with him, picking him up by his shirt and throwing him into the ocean.

Sam came up sputtering, splashing about and yelling. Bee waded out slightly and pulled him in, tucking him in his arm and returning to his seat under the palm trees. He settled Sam on his lap and let some the stored energy be released into his plating. Sam huddled against the warmth.

"Sorry." Sam's mutter was quiet, but Bumblebee heard it.

"We were in space together for a very long time. I know that you see relationships in a different way, but for us, connecting with each other helped keep us sane. Just because Ironhide and Ratchet are a bonded pair does not mean they can't connect to someone else. I enjoyed my time with each one of them, and it was hard when I had to come down here by myself. I spent three years away from them, and I never got a chance to reconnect with Jazz before…well, before he was taken to the Matrix. But I have had a chance with the others, and it is wonderful. Even our new arrivals have been fun. It's one of the ways we get to know each other, Sam."

"Kind of like meeting someone for coffee?" Sam asked.

"Sort of. More personal than that, of course, but yes, the same idea of meeting and connecting." Bee agreed.

"You guys have some weird ways of getting to know each other." Sam said.

Bumblebee made a squawk of displeasure. "How is that any worse than a hookup? At least we're not exchanging bodily fluids with strangers."

"No, you're just sharing data with strangers." Sam returned.

"But they are not strangers. Cybertronians are all connected. Ratchet knew Sideswipe before the war, I know Ratchet, and therefore we have a connection, a shared node of commonality. Ratchet was kind enough to connect with us the first time – it made our connection much smoother and easier."

Once again, Sam was foundering about mentally. "You mean you can connect with more than one other Autobot?"

"Of course, Sam. I used to connect with my entire team; Optimus, Jazz, Ratchet and Ironhide, all at the same time."

"Oh, my god. I'm talking to someone in a poly relationship. I can not wrap my brain around this!"

Bee thunked him lightly on the back of his head. "I am not. Grow up, Sam. We do it differently than you do. Believe me, if we had sex the way you do, you'd be traumatized for life. I can't see Ironhide doing something like that with any subtlety at all. He'd probably march up to Ratchet and say 'wanna fuck?' and it would be wham-bam-thank-you-Ratchet, loud and with lots of breakage. Cables are significantly less obvious."

Sam laughed. He laughed so hard he couldn't breathe and was gasping for air. The mental image Bumblebee had just painted definitely put the differences in perspective for him.

"You're right, Bee, you're absolutely right. Hey, I'm cold, let's head back. I need some shut-eye."

Bee agreed. They walked quietly through the trees to the road, where Bumblebee transformed and Sam climbed in. A few minutes later, they pulled in front of the barracks Sam had been assigned, and he stumbled in for some much needed rest.

But ever after, when he would feel himself getting prudish about the Autobots, he would replay the imagined scene of Ironhide asking for sex as if it were a battle to be won, and he could feel the over-reaction fading away.

The End!


End file.
